8 Self-Improvement Mistakes to Avoid

Trial and error advice for those seeking to be better people.For as long as I can remember, I’ve been interested in improving myself. At various points in my life, my motivation for growth was different. There were seasons when I wanted to find a better job, attract a good spouse, be a better athlete, get healthier, learn more about the world, become a better parent, or simply become a more loving and selfless person.This urge to improve and progress as an individual is good provided it doesn’t grow out of proportion. Being too self-focused, even when improving good qualities about yourself, can throw a wrench in life. Self-improvement can become a status-seeking pursuit that trades growth in one area for a loss of self-awareness in others.That being said, I encourage the impulse to fight complacency and improve yourself and the world around you. We all benefit when our friends, neighbors, and fellow citizens develop into fit, productive, moral individuals.To that end, I'll lay out a few of the stumbling blocks I’ve tripped over or seen others struggle with in my years of writing on the subject. I hope these spur you toward a more intentional pursuit of the good life we all seek to live.1. Too High StakesMany people believe they need a huge, impossible goal to stay motivated. The truth is that big goals are exciting initially but soon feel like a burden. For most of us, it’s easiest to stay motivated by making tangible progress toward an attainable goal.2. Lack of MotivationSelf-interest is a typical spark that sets people on the path of self-improvement. They want to look better in the eyes of others. While this isn’t wrong, per se, it rarely fuels the long run. Motivation can come from knowing that our efforts at self-improvement connect us to something bigger and more meaningful than ourselves.3. Expecting Instant ResultsIf results came instantly, most people could get nearly everything they want out of life. The reality is that we often have to make investments in our lives for weeks and months before seeing signs that our efforts are making a difference. During this period, a ritual that keeps you motivated, such as checking off your actions each day, is essential.4. Not Creating a Feedback LoopFew of us are good at adjusting to our original plan without pausing to reflect on what’s worked or hasn’t worked. We tend to err on the side of giving up too soon or stubbornly sticking to what isn’t working. I’ve found that reevaluating a plan after a set period of time, ideally with input from a close friend, is a smarter way to stay or correct the course.5. Comparing Yourself to OthersWhile it’s OK to be inspired by the good things you see in someone else’s life, regular comparison leads to dissatisfaction. Envy can be a powerful motivator, but it burns out quickly and tends to be a hard habit to break. If, by measuring yourself to others, you make progress, you'll continue to compare yourself to others. There are healthy ways of making comparisons—it’s far better to compare yourself to who you were in the past—while striving toward a tangible vision for the future.6. Foregoing an Actionable PlanI have spent far more time than I'd like to admit daydreaming about self-improvement. It’s fun to imagine yourself having already achieved what you hope to do without even lifting a finger. But daydreaming doesn’t produce results. Daydreaming is a form of procrastination that takes the edge off your frustration without making any demands. Any plan to improve oneself should quickly be turned from a dream into an action plan.7. Fear of FailureAnother mistake I’ve made is coming up with a great plan for self-improvement but implementing it at some point in the future. Until then, you keep perfecting the plan and reading about the subject. I’ve learned, at least for me, that this is a form of fear. I have a deep fear of trying to succeed and failing. Until I really try, I can tell myself that I haven’t reached my goals because I haven’t prioritized them.8. Not Adapting to SetbacksI can’t help but think of the famous Mike Tyson quote “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.” In the same way, every plan for self-improvement cannot count on a straight line of progress with no setbacks. We’re humans, after all, and that means we must account for temptations, emotions, and distractions. You can start with a good idea of what you'll do when those challenges arise so you won’t be caught off guard.Self-improvement is not just a task for the young and ambitious—at every stage of life, no matter our responsibilities or context, we can seek to become the best version of ourselves that we can be. If you believe, like me, that life is a gift we are to steward well, then there ought to be an urgency to developing your inner and outer self. Please consider these common mistakes and commit to vigorously pursuing all that is good and true.