Having values and plans for a good life are essential, but being able to go with the flow when life has plans of its own brings a certain peace.
There’s an expression in racing that says: Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast. The point is that trying too hard is often a recipe for subpar performance. A similar lesson can be said about life and applied more broadly to include over-grasping anything fleeting, temporary, or outside your control.
There are many reasons and scenarios where we ought to stand firm and hold tightly to our beliefs. We should not be quick to throw away our values, friendships, or personal resolutions. Doing so would be giving in to whatever whim currently holds the most sway over us.
What I’m arguing is that we ought to approach our lives with a bit more grace. Instead of latching onto something and never letting go, appreciate its blessing for the season you’re in. Instead of hoping a situation or circumstance never changes, learn to ride the waves of whatever life brings your way and look for the best. Stop trying to bend the world to your will, and instead, try to conform your expectations, as much as possible, to what is before you.
This is one of those pieces of advice where the exact opposite might apply depending on who you are and what you’re doing. So much wisdom is this way. Some people may need to loosen up, while others may need to take life more seriously. Some people may need to go faster, while others need to slow down. It’s up to each one of us to decide which piece of advice best pushes back against our current weaknesses.
For those like myself who are inclined to hold on too tightly, here are some benefits to loosening your grip on life and not trying to control what is ultimately outside your control.
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1. Make Space
In a relationship, when one partner becomes overbearing or comes on too strong, we might say they’re “suffocating” the other person. Even the best things in life need room to breathe. It’s possible to take something great and ruin it by holding onto it too tightly. Conversely, we can experience greater enjoyment in our relationships and many other areas by giving them just the right amount of space for the sunlight to get in and allow them to grow.
2. Be Grateful Now
As humans, we have the amazing ability to think about our past and ponder about our future, but this gift also takes us away from the simple pleasure of enjoying the moment. Holding too tightly to our plans, circumstances, stuff, or even our present relationships can be a way of worrying about the future. Instead, try to soak up all the goodness you can from your life the way it is right now and cultivate those good things while being open to the natural evolution of life.
3. Share Freely
Grasping tightly to what is ours is not a natural platform for sharing with others. Live with open generosity as an alternative to being possessive, protective, and worried more about losing something. Share the abundance that is already ours.
4. Let Things Be
We all have a mental playbook for how we’d like our life to go—a steady, comfortable upward trajectory with no major obstacles to what we want. As we all know, though, stuff happens every day that is outside our control and won’t always align with our idealized vision of life. Those who accept change and let go of their desire for a perfect life are best positioned to find peace with the life they have.
5. Be Resilient
If you hold tightly to the life you know, it will be hard to accept anything threatening to change it. The unknowns and uncertainties will cause you anxiety because you’ll be more focused on what you’re losing than what could be gained. When you open your expectations to new possibilities and even surprises, you become more accepting of changes when they do happen.
6. Focus on Your Purpose
When you loosen your hold on all that is temporary, fleeting, and impermanent, it opens your eyes to the greater picture. Many may realize that love of God and love of your neighbor is all that really matters.
Udumbara
