The Magic of Marriage in Spirituality and Sacredness

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Luís Novaes was consumed by lust as a young adult, leading him into a superficial marriage.

What followed wasn’t the beginning of happily-ever-after. Rather, he found himself suffering a deep depression that only turned around when he began a spiritual practice in 2006. However, his marriage didn’t survive.

Novaes told Epoch Times writer Mari Otsu he decided then that if he were to marry again, he would want his wife to share his spiritual beliefs and to be similarly spiritually engaged by praying and practicing self-reflection.

Such concepts are counter-cultural in a world that bombards us with nonstop self-gratifying messages that elevate status, desire, and accomplishments above character.

In marriage, this is particularly problematic. Such advice will eventually leave most of us feeling like Novaes—full of regret, sorrow, depression, and dissatisfaction with life.

That’s probably why 65 percent of women and 45 percent of men reported in a survey that they “secretly hoped casual encounters would develop into something deeper and lasting.”

One reason for increasing divorce rates and society’s growing disinterest in matrimony could be that societal messages about marriage make us prone to oversimplify relationships or have unrealistic expectations.

A stable relational foundation is one of spiritual love—an unconditional and selfless form of love rooted in the divine, Otsu wrote. It can result in meaning, trust, and long-term satisfaction in relationships.

Further, believing marriage is sacred and there’s life beyond the physical world can deepen love and devotion in a relationship, according to research by David Dollahite, professor of family life at Brigham Young University.

Those who practice their spirituality—spending time with God—have what Dollahite described as “an array of healing spiritual experiences that range from small moments to remarkable ones” wherein they feel God’s love, grace, forgiveness, and guidance.

I’ve had many of those moments over the years. Nevertheless, when my husband and I were at odds with one another a year ago, there was no rapid epiphany that came with a simple prayer. Our situation required deeper wrestling.

I’m convinced decades of persistence in prayer and a relationship with God paved the way for me to eventually forgive my husband and also to ask for forgiveness for my role in our six-week impasse.

The work was brutal. In a home shattered by silence and emotional separation, I began to keep a gratitude journal centered only on my husband—an assignment from a therapist.

As time went on, my stony heart softened to the brilliance in this suggestion. I could clearly see my husband’s strengths, and I realized just how blessed I am to be his wife and to have the kind of marriage we have.

Spiritually-centered marriages aren’t necessarily easier. They face many of the same difficulties and temptations. However, two people earnestly following religious vows have more tools at their disposal to contend with life’s not-quite-happily-ever-after moments.

Besides practicing gratitude, my husband and I had to prioritize humility, work on our own flaws, prioritize one another, and rebuild trust.

What followed was one of the best years in our married life, filled with open communication, deeper shared spirituality, and relationship satisfaction—all at higher levels than we’d ever experienced.

Novaes has also experienced that. Otsu reported that he did remarry. He and his second wife share the same faith and virtues, which has led to unconditional support and growth.

Like many who are invested in the truest ideal of marriage, he came to realize its gift is in being both difficult and magical.

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