We Keep Using Phones at Dinner Because of a Classic Human Bias: Study 

New research reveals the decision-making process behind texting while socializing. You’re deep in conversation with a friend, bonding over life’s ups and downs, when suddenly their phone chimes and their gaze drifts down. They assure you they’re still listening as they tap out a quick reply, but the spell is broken. Your connection is weakened; you feel hurt that they can’t resist the siren call of their screen.You are “phubbed”—snubbed by a phone. This common behavior chips away at relationships and well-being, yet we still do it. Why?Recent research from Princeton psychologists reveals a biased mental calculus that deems our own texting acceptable, failing to grasp its true disruptiveness. 90 Percent of People Are Doing It Think about the last time you were with friends or family and ended up taking your phone out. It’s so easy to do! If the conversation lulls, it can seem harmless to fill that gap by quickly scanning texts or emails. Or, when things get boring, perhaps you browse online.While such phone use may feel brief and subtle from our perspective, it is often offensive to others interacting with us because it excludes them. The emergence of the term “phubbing”—a blend of “phone” and “snubbing”—reflects the widespread view that this habit is impolite. Yet 90 percent of Americans admit to doing it, according to a 2018 study published in the Journal of Applied Social Psychology.But as phones are increasingly woven into the fabric of our lives, it’s become a habit—even an addiction—to check them. A recent analysis by Deloitte, a consulting company, found that 50 percent of people check their phone first thing in the morning or within five minutes of waking up, and 20 percent check their phones more than 50 times a day.Likewise, Gallup polls showed over 80 percent of users had their phones on them constantly throughout the day. How I See ‘You’ vs. ‘Me’ Say you’re running late for work and drive a little faster than usual (this is not an endorsement of speeding!). Perhaps you aren’t paying close attention, and as you zoom around a corner, you surprise a pedestrian just about to step out into the road. You might say to yourself, “I have something important to get to; I’m not normally like this!” However, you simply seem like a reckless driver from the pedestrian’s point of view.Related StoriesHuman beings tend to be biased when self-reflecting. If someone does something improper, we are more likely to attribute it to their personality. But in the same scenario, we tend to view ourselves more positively, justifying our actions.When the Princeton researchers asked friends or romantic partners about how phone use impacted their interactions, a clear bias emerged, according to the results.The more a partner used a phone mid-conversation, the less connected, engaged, and enjoyable the experience felt for the other person.Yet regarding their own phone use, a curious contradiction appeared; people reported feeling more connected and engaged when they checked their own phones, enjoying the interaction more. (What benefits me must benefit you!) Though, when directly asked, people said they could handle phone use and conversation simultaneously, they felt their partners struggled to do so effectively.How Phones Compromise Cues Vital for Communication Amid a steady increase of research on technology and relationships, a frequent conclusion is that phone use during social interactions distances people.For starters, body language is hugely important to communication: Up to 93 percent of understanding comes from nonverbal cues. If your words say, “I care about you,” but you’re absorbed in your phone, people aren’t likely to believe you.Additionally, our mental capacities have limits. The human brain can really only have one concentrated focus at a time. Phone use drains the brain, making meaningful conversation engagement difficult. As a result, we tend to rely on cursory responses like “mhmm” and “yeah” more often but remember less when pressed for details.While indulging our penchant for phones is gratifying in the short term, social connection is essential for our long-term health. That’s a big reason why recent findings that phubbing makes social hangouts less enjoyable are concerning. Who Does Phubbing Hurt More? Now for the “why” behind these biases: People felt their reasons for phubbing were valid yet saw their partners’ reasons as less important. (Cue the familiar “honey, this is important”?) In other cases, people perceived that they used their phones more for reasons relevant to the conversation than their partners. (Perhaps you know someone who’s all too happy to Google something unsolicited on your behalf, only to reemerge several minutes later from a rabbit hole?)Unfortunately, this goes beyond awkward faux pas. People attributed their partner’s phone use to diminished interest and dissatisfaction with them. Moreover, they saw their behaviors as willful—i.e., people were apt to think their partne