Is Loneliness the New Smoking?

When Canadian pop icon Justin Bieber released his song “Lonely” in October of 2020, the 28-year-old star sang about the crushing loneliness he felt after becoming so famous at such an early age. Bieber’s song quickly topped the charts in Canada, as well as in countries as diverse as Hungary, Malaysia, and Norway.

I’m not in the right age demographic to be a Justin Bieber fan, but I found myself listening to his deeply heartfelt song over and over again. Whatever your opinion of pop music and R&B, so many of us in the modern world—young and old—have been feeling such deep loneliness, especially in the past two years.

Here’s the thing about loneliness: Social isolation can cause feelings of loneliness. But you can also be lonely—feeling like you have no one in your life to protect, understand, and support you—even when you’re surrounded by family, friends, or adoring fans.

Who Feels Most Lonely?

What age group is most affected by loneliness is a subject of ongoing debate. Pre-pandemic research from the United Kingdom’s Office for National Statistics found that nearly ten percent of teenagers and young adults ages 16 to 24 “always or often” felt lonely, more than three times more than adults ages 65 and older. That same report found that women admit to being lonely more than men.

While the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and countless studies find nearly four times more men than women die by suicide each year, the ONS research suggests that women may actually be more prone to loneliness than men. But scientists don’t know if that’s because women tend to be more open about their emotional challenges or because they actually suffer more.

The WHO reports that loneliness and social isolation affect one in three older adults in some countries, and a recent meta-analysis published in the journal PLOS One found that loneliness affected a quarter of adults over age 60 in high-income countries. This study looked at loneliness among older people in Australia, Europe, Singapore, and the United States, and found that almost 26 percent suffered from moderate loneliness while nearly 8 percent reported feeling severe loneliness.

Worse During COVID

A recent report from Harvard indicates that the COVID epidemic seriously worsened loneliness for many. The survey of 950 Americans found that 36 percent reported experiencing loneliness frequently or almost all the time and 61 percent of young adults (ages 18 to 25) and 51 percent of mothers with young children reported serious loneliness.

The report also found that 43 percent of young adults said their loneliness increased during the pandemic. Sadly, half these young people said no one in the past several weeks had taken more than a few minutes to ask after their welfare in a way that made them feel the person “genuinely cared.”

Loneliness can be particularly acute for people who find themselves unexpectedly alone. I know that being at odds with friends and loved ones because of our differences of opinions on how to understand and react to COVID-19 has led to me to feeling lonely in a way I never have before. The death of a partner or loved one, reduction in mobility due to illness, as well as lack of transportation can also be strong triggers for loneliness, according to the National Institute on Aging.

Living Alone but Not Lonely

At the same time, however, living alone does not always result in loneliness. As the NIA reports, in the United States, about 28 percent of older adults live alone—some 13.8 million people—but many don’t feel lonely or suffer from social isolation.

My husband’s grandmother lived alone for nearly 20 years after her husband died of a heart attack, but she wasn’t lonely. Once she overcame the overwhelming grief of losing the love of her life, she enjoyed a rich social life and good health.

Gigi, as we called her (which stood for great grandma), visited with her children and grandchildren regularly, went to lunch with her cadre of female friends at least twice a week, never turned down an invitation to go somewhere, played golf regularly, talked to people she didn’t know everywhere from the beauty parlor to the country club, and went to mass every Sunday. Despite having six children, eleven grandchildren, and several great grands (or maybe because of it), she never missed sending a birthday gift and card.

Loneliness Is Bad for Your Health

According to researchers in Spain, ongoing loneliness is associated with anxiety, depression, and stress. Which makes sense. But what is less well known is that being lonely also increases our risk of cognitive decline, hypertension, and other heart problems, frailty, stroke, and even early death, according to several studies.

The health impact of being lonely is sometimes so severe, in fact, that one report found that loneliness and social isolation can be as bad for your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Like smoking, lacking social connections and strong friendships sometimes has life-threatening consequences, according to the U.S. Health Resources & Service Administration. 

Among the health issues that arise from loneliness, the most concerning may be cognitive decline. People who are isolated and alone tend to perform worse on tests of memory and cognitive function and are more likely to experience progression of Alzheimer’s disease, according to scholars at the Center for Healthy Aging at Penn State.

Researchers believe this is because feelings of loneliness can alter cellular function, cause changes within the immune system, and increase inflammation, which in turn increases the likelihood of disease.

Yet despite the devastating health impacts of loneliness, it’s a problem that has been in large part neglected. Perhaps because it’s so difficult to remediate.

After all, while anti-depressant use has been rising, we don’t have a pill for loneliness.

How to Fix the Loneliness Problem

In 2018, in order to address the loneliness epidemic head-on, Teresa May, Britain’s prime minister, appointed a minister of loneliness. In 2021, Japan, which has seen an uptick in suicide rates for the first time in eleven years, followed suit, appointing its first minister of loneliness.

U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy also agrees that loneliness is a serious public health problem. In fact, Murthy wrote a book about loneliness: “Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World,” which was published (rather presciently) in April of 2020.

“While loneliness engenders despair and ever more isolation, togetherness raises optimism and creativity,” Murthy wrote. “When people feel they belong to one another, their lives are stronger, richer, and more joyful.”

Unfortunately, much of the loneliness people now suffer comes from larger trends in how people live. Social isolation was increasing before COVID arrived. One factor is people moving more, thereby leaving behind multi-generational social networks, and increased time at home. The addictive quality of social media and our access to an ever-growing list of on-demand entertainment has taken up time we previously spent in face-to-face contact with others. Even online shopping has reduced our social network and relationships we used to form with local shopkeepers or familiar faces in our community. The problem has grown severe for young children, who no longer roam freely in their neighborhood and instead spend free time playing with their phones and gaming systems.

Despite all that, if you’re someone who has been feeling lonely, there are certainly things you can do to rebuild your social network.

The obvious and essential cures to loneliness are to tap into your social network and spend more time with friends and family. Many of these relationships may have wilted slightly if you haven’t maintained them, but the good news is that our long-term relationships have deep roots and easily come back to life with a little attention.

If you find yourself neglecting social connection because you are “too busy,” remind yourself that this is essential to your well-being. If you feel a bit reluctant, find a way to lend a hand. Is their flower bed a little overgrown? Call them up and tell them you want to hang out and get your hands in the dirt.

If you’re new to an area or have few social ties, it may be time to make some new friends. Your local church or synagogue may have a weekly meet-and-greet, you can search web-based apps like Meetup to find people who enjoy the same hobbies you do, and you can also take a class at your local community center to find like-minded people.

Participating in clubs, sports, and volunteer efforts can be great ways to make new friends, as are volunteering, participating in local clubs, or joining local sports leagues. The main thing is to get out and connect with people.

Ways Out of Loneliness

There are several things you can do if you’re suffering from loneliness.

Clubs

People of various passions and interests gather in every community. They encourage each other in their shared hobby, craft, or interest and gain a sense of belonging from this unity of purpose. Clubs can range from quilting to rock hunting, from gardening to reading books. The great thing about joining a club is you can also find an activity that you continue to pursue outside of club gatherings that may help keep your mind calm and your attention occupied. Researchers have even looked into the benefits of these activities and have found crochet, knitting, and other repetitive, creative crafts and tasks have a therapeutic effect in and of themselves.

Sports

There are few things that can lift the spirit and create a sense of self-empowerment as quickly as physical activity. The body requires movement for basic health, and some systems, like the lymphatic system, even require muscle contractions in order to carry out their essential functions. Exercise is linked to improved well-being across countless studies, and for those that are lonely, there is an additional benefit: Joining a local sports league is a great way to interact with people in a casual way. While a certain amount of camaraderie is expected, the greater focus is on the game itself.

Volunteer

The world is beset by problems, and countless people are trying to help solve them. These activities range from keeping the elderly company to organizing local litter cleanup. There are never enough hands, so volunteers are often highly valued. And while television may tell us the good life is had in hedonic pleasures, research tells us truly happy people live lives of meaning and service. So find a cause you care about and look for people that share that mission. If the coordinator asks you to collect phone numbers for a spreadsheet at home on your computer, tell them that social connection is important to your motivation to volunteer.

Find Support

If you’re depressed, it can be uncomfortable to even be around people. The same is true if loneliness is a side effect of anxiety or social discomfort. Just as malnutrition leads to disease that requires a doctor, loneliness can lead to a state we need help to resolve.

There are many kinds of therapy and some are more effective than others. What works best for you may differ from someone else. Some therapies, like cognitive behavior therapy, can help you address inaccurate or negative thinking that’s having a corrosive effect on your life.